I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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