Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize