Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
