So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
