he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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