it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
