some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize