And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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