You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
