We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
