I don't think brook has ever known best
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
