3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to walk on stilts...naked
handjob tips. give me some.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
