His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
