My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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