I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
