At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
