South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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