Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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