have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
