i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
