Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
