If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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