Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
