You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
