I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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