i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize