she woke up with a sticky ear
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
