I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
