Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
