it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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