Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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