Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
