that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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