I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
