The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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