hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
