I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
