Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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