Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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