Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize