I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
