I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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