my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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