i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
