I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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