two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm at about main and main street
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
