i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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