we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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