So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
