I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
