I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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