We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we should paint friendship bongs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
