I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
