I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
