I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
