sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
