after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
