I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
