I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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