Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
