She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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