i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
