My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
