I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
