im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
