This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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