Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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