Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize