so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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