I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
