Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
