I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
