btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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