What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
