Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize