you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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