So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
