i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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