I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
