I hope mine doesn't look like that
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
