hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize