She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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