At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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