a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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