i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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