Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
