I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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