You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize