There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
