idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's blow job season.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
