Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
