you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize