So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
