she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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