I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
