I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
