i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
