I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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