I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
