What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
