Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
