So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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