don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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