My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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