I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
