My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize