let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
