I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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