My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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