I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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