Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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