It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
