I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize