Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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