I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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