The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
