you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
