I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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